


At home

by DannyHsueh



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Blood, Bloody Scenes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyHsueh/pseuds/DannyHsueh
Summary: It turns out that becoming a vampire doesn't just magically cure all the depression and panic attacks, and Simon is having an even harder time coping with it alone--until Raphael finds out about it. (Still a new writer~ Hope you guys enjoy my second ever fanfic~ ^ ^)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: English is not my first language~ so sorry for any mistakes!  
> After getting all the positive comments, I was motivated to write some more~ so here is my second ever fanfic !!!! I'm really excited~ hope you guys enjoy! Constructive criticisms are surely welcomed~ ^ ^

“Do it,” the voice whispered in his ear, dangerously sweet. “No one even cares about you anyway. They hate you, remember? Even him. They haven’t even noticed that you have disappeared for days now, so why do you think they care? They’ll forget you, just like everyone does. Why not just end it all and do it yourself? They’ll be relieved, so will you.” 

“Do it,” The voice urged softly. “Kill yourself.”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Raphael was doing one of his usual routines. 

Every few days or so, he’ll spend the night patrolling the hotel, inspecting damages, looking for any potential threats, and more importantly, checking on everyone in the clan to make sure they’re alright. 

He’ll approach clan members lounging in the hall, asking if they’re doing well; he’ll stop by the infirmary and personally check on every patient to ensure that they’re healing properly; he’ll even go on the roof to console any miserable vampires with gentle hugs and soothing words.

It may seem surprising to new coming fledglings that Raphael, the cold and stern clan leader, would appear at your door in the middle of the day with a glass of warm blood just to make you feel better. But once you get to know him, you’ll find out that behind that stone-cold mask, there’s a soft, warm heart that cares about his clan more than anyone.

Raphael doesn’t really mind it, though. He never sees any clan members as one of his subordinates, but instead, he thinks of them as his siblings, younger brothers and sisters who need him to be there when they’re feeling the most helpless. That’s what makes him different from the cruel, ruthless queen, Camille; That’s what holds the entire clan together.

This night was no exception, as he said goodbye to the last patient laying in the infirmary and headed toward his own bedroom after the tiring night. 

But he stopped right before he enters his room, taking a worried glance at the room next to his. 

Simon’s room.

The usually excited and talkative fledgling hasn’t come out of his room for over a week now. At first, Raphael assumed that he just needed some time alone, as it can be hard to face the truth when it suddenly dawned on new-born fledglings that they can never go back to the world they’re used to before. He knew that it takes time to digest those heavy feelings and those perplexed thoughts, so he only left a glass of fresh blood outside his bedroom and gave him some space of his own.

But as the days went by, the worries in Raphael’s mind began to grow. Even with his highly enhanced senses, he couldn’t hear anything behind those heavy wooden doors. He’d go up to clan members, and ask if any of them have seen Simon recently, but none of them have given him a positive reply. The only reassuring fact is that every glass of blood that he left outside Simon’s door before he goes to work every day would disappear when he comes back from work. “At least he’s eating,” Raphael thought to himself.

But this night, it feels different. There’s an ominous shiver tingling at the back of his neck, an inauspicious thought tugging at the back of his mind. Through the unique bond among every clan members, he can tell that something is definitely wrong in there.

He stood in front of Simon’s bedroom and called out to the eerie silence. “Simon? Are you in there? Can you hear me?”

No answer.

He sighed and reached into his pocket for the key to unlock the door. “Simon?” He took a deep breath and called again, carefully pushing the door open. “Are you alright—oh my God!”

The strong smell of metallic, rusty blood washed over him, paralyzing his senses, and the heavy dampness lingering in the air makes him feel dizzy and nauseous. He reached into the dark to turn on the lights, then gasped at the horrific sight right in front of him.

Glasses of unfinished blood piled up beside the curtained windows, the smell of expired blood tainting the air; Music sheets and t-shirts that had been ripped apart scattered all over the messy floor; The worst of all, he saw Simon— a lifeless body that collapsed in a pile of blood, his skin glistening in a sick shade of yellow. Both of his wrists seemed to be almost shredded into pieces, with fresh blood continuously seeping out from the countless slits. 

“Dios, Simon, What happened?” Raphael hurried toward Simon, kneeling down and trying to place his hand on Simon’s bloody forearm.

“Ra……Raphael?” His eyes fluttered open, and he whispered weakly.

Raphael felt as if a spear had just pierced through his heart when his eyes met Simon’s. Those warm, amber eyes have faded into two blank, lifeless orbs; those bright sparkles that once shone have now vanished completely.

“Do….Don’t touch me.” Simon managed to choke out the words, his voice dry and hoarse. “I’ll……ruin your jacket……again……”

“I don’t care about my jacket. Tell me what happened, Simon.” Raphael said again in the most gentle tone possible, his heart now in agony. He tried to reach for his arm again, but Simon winced and jerked way from his touch, as if Raphael’s fingertips would burn him.

“Nothing.”

“Simon—“

“Why would you want to know? You don’t even care about me. You hate me, just like everyone else does.” A sob escaped from his throat, with his entire body trembling uncontrollably. 

With his bond between him and the fledgling, Raphael can sense that he’s dangerously getting closer toward the edge of death right now

“What are you saying? I don’t hate you, neither does the clan. This is your home, and we’re your family, Simon. Sure, there might be some argues and misunderstandings from time to time, but we can never hate you. We love you, you’re one of us now, and we can feel each your emotions through our clan bonds. Everyone’s very worried about you.” 

“Great, now everyone knows how pathetic I am.”

“No, Simon, we love you. How long will it take until you understand?” 

Raphael reached out slowly one last time, for fear that Simon will flinch away from him once again. Simon closed his eyes as if defeated, his arms trembling as Raphael’s gentle fingers land on them. 

Raphael’s heart sank as he carefully inspected the wounds, those cuts are much deeper than he thought, and they’re worsening fast because of Simon’s lack of blood.

“Dios, wait here.” He vanished in a blink of an eye, then reappeared almost right away. 

Raphael threw away his jacket and rolled up his sleeve, his usually steady hands now shaking slightly for the first time in years. He reached into the bag he brought and started cleaning those nasty cuts.

“I’m……. I’m sorry.” Simon suddenly whispered, “ I’m sorry for putting you into so much trouble. How naïve I am to think that becoming a vampire would just magically cure all the panic attacks and depression and—Ahhhhh!” Simon choked and whimpered at the sudden sharp pain that shot up his arm.

“Don’t apologize. I should be the one being sorry for what I’ve done. I should have saved you from Camille’s fangs, I should have paid more attention to you, I should have shown more care for you. You should have lived a happy mundane life, without knowing all these ugly things exist—hold on, it will be a bit more painful……”

Raphael carefully wrapped Simon’s forearms in layers and layers of fresh bandage as Simon tries his best not to writhe in pain. Then he grabbed a new towel and started cleaning the crimson blood stains on his face.

“Here, I grabbed some of my clothes for you to change.” Raphael handed him a pair of soft, silk pajamas to Simon after finishing cleaning up.

Simon seemed to hesitate for a moment, then he slowly reached out his trembling hands to take them. The expensive-looking fabric feels incredibly smooth under his fingers, and he can almost smell the faint scent of Raphael’s cologne on them.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  


After changing, Raphael fed Simon a glass of warm blood with incredible patience, scooped him up into his arms, and tucked him in gently.

“Get some rest, you’ll feel a lot better tomorrow. Do you need anything else?” Raphael asked while pulling up Simon’s blanket.

“Stay…..Stay with me?” Simon blurted out, then regretted it immediately. 

Just when he tried to tell Raphael that was a mistake, Raphael called out: 

“Lily! You’ll be in charge of the clan for tonight.”

Simon looked at Raphael with his jaw dropping as Lily answered from outside the door.

Raphael then took off his shoes and formal suit, and lied down next to Simon with only a simple t-shirt and shorts.

“But……but I wouldn’t be able to meet you if I never know that vampires exist.” Simon mumbled out of nowhere after a long period of silence.

Raphael looked up surprised, a familiar sparkle seemed to glint in those warm eyes of Simons.

As if in slow motion, Simon can feel a pair of soft, warm lips gently pressed on his.

At this exact moment, He finally felt safe for the first time in his undead life.

He felt at home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading~!!! It would really mean the world to me if you leave any comments below~ ^ ^ And again, constructive criticisms are surely welcomed! Love you guys~ ^ ^


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